Don’t be so angry

If your child has autism or Asperger’s syndrome, he or she may find many everyday tasks daunting and social interactions incomprehensible. And if you’re stressed out, busy, and in a hurry, you may become angry and feel like shouting. But will it help anyone?

The futility of shouting

Anger is OK. Actually, every emotion we experience is fine and we should allow ourselves to experience it. But experiencing and expressing are two different things.

Anger isn’t a nice feeling. When you’re feeling angry, you want to stop. You want to feel happy and calm because these emotions contribute to growth and well-being. But some situations make us angry and what we do then? We want to get rid of the anger, release it fast. And violence, verbal or physical, is the quickest way to do it – or so our instincts tell us.

But what happens when you shout? Do you really calm down? No, you plunge straight to remorse and guilt, other unpleasant feelings. So even if shouting does release your anger, it doesn’t make you feel better.

What can you do?

The first thing you should always remember is that your child doesn’t want to be mean to you. She isn’t being slow on purpose. He didn’t spill his milk purely because he wanted to make your day worse. All children, an especially those with autism spectrum disorders, like autism and Asperger’s syndrome, will make mistakes. And shouting won’t teach them to be perfect because nothing can teach them that. But it can give them another lesson, one you didn’t count on: that you love them less when they aren’t perfect. Remember that the next time you get angry.


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